Lovingkindness Practice

Many of us spend a great deal of time criticizing ourselves. Over time, that habit can narrow the way we relate to ourselves and other people. Shame grows. We pull back. And it becomes easier to believe the harsh things we think about ourselves.

Lovingkindness practice works against that pattern. The goal is not to force a feeling or convince yourself of anything. It is simply to practice returning attention toward kindness rather than criticism.

Some people find the practice calming. Others find it uncomfortable, artificial, emotionally distant, or surprisingly difficult. All of those reactions are part of the practice too.

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• Repeating simple phrases of kindness.
• Bringing to mind the person toward whom the phrases are directed.
• Noticing whatever thoughts, emotions, or body sensations arise.

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Sit somewhere quiet and comfortable. Take a few moments to notice your breathing. There is no need to create a particular feeling or do the exercise perfectly.

As you move through the practice, notice how different people bring up different reactions in the body and mind.

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Repeat the following phrases silently at your own pace:

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Most people find it easier to offer kindness to others than to themselves. For that reason, the practice gradually moves from emotionally easier situations toward more difficult ones.

• Begin with someone toward whom you naturally feel warmth or affection.
• Then bring to mind someone toward whom you feel mostly neutral.
• Next, bring to mind someone connected with difficult or painful feelings.
• Finally, offer the same phrases to yourself. For many of us, this is the hardest part.

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